“A truly feminine woman will always retain an air of mystery.”
5 Ways to be Mysterious in the Age of Information
“Emancipation of women has made them lose their mystery.”— Grace Kelly
Being mysterious in a feminine way is not about hiding your life or your personality from the world. Rather, it IS about leaving people with unanswered questions, and letting them assume that you have an interesting life (which, obviously, being a feminine, interesting woman, you do have!). It’s easy to want to tell everyone about the interesting things you do. But remember, sometimes, the less you tell someone, the more they want to know.
Below are just a few aspects of our public life from which the people around us determine who we are, and in which we can maintain a feminine air of mystery.
…in the way you dress.
Obviously this opens the door to conversations about modesty, but I mean more subtly than that. Think about what you’re wearing says about you. People assume many things about you based on what you’re wearing – things like where you’re going or where you came. A pair of heels on a Tuesday evening or a blazer on a Saturday morning can add an incredible aura of mystery. Accessories like sunglasses and hats can obviously increase the mystery as well, but it’s in the ensemble. If you look like you just rolled out of bed and it’s 10:00 am on a Saturday, people will assume that you just rolled out of bed. If you look put together and professional at 10:00 am, people will wonder what you did with your morning. They may not ask, but they will generally assume that you did something that you value, which makes you interesting.
….in the way you walk and carry yourself.
Be intentional. Mysterious people never seem to be aimlessly wandering or loitering to waste time. They walk with purpose, carry themselves with assertion, and act deliberately. Why? Because they are busy doing interesting things! Make people wonder where you’re going when you walk – even if it’s just to the dentist.
…in your conversation.
Above all, don’t gossip. Ask more questions than you answer. Think about whether what you’re saying is meaningful, to whom it means something, and why. When you do answer questions, don’t give unnecessary information about your uncle’s wife’s friend who did that shocking thing last year because she was wearing the same dress as the friend you’re talking to. Obviously, especially with close friends, there is nothing wrong with sharing an amusing story. But especially with acquaintances or strangers, remember that gossip is indicative of what you find interesting. Do you really want to give the impression that you think about people all day? Let people wonder what occupies your thoughts – the less they know, the more intimidating and mysterious you are.
…in your communication.
This is a nuanced one – texting, instant messaging, social media, email… all of the ways in which we are immediately available to our friends detract from our mysteriousness. If you take your time in responding to people, (whether because you are actually busy or because you want to give the impression that you are), they are left with that unanswered question… “what is she doing that’s more important than me?” A natural thought, and again, not typically asked outright, but leaving people to wonder what you’re doing adds to your feminine air of mystery.
*additionally, if you don’t look at messages or social media to give the impression that you are busy, you might actually find yourself being busy – enhancing your quality of life with interesting hobbies and occupations.
…with your time.
Don’t feel the need to tell everyone (or anyone) what you’re doing each day, or even what you did over the weekend. (a great moment in Wonder Woman 1984 – when Diana’s coworkers ask her what she did over the weekend). There isn’t any real need to keep these things a secret, but there isn’t really any need to share it either. Let people wonder – you could be saving the world!
Imagine someone who has a secret. You know they have a secret, and you know they won’t tell you, but you know that it must be a really great secret because they seem so happy about it all the time. Think about how much confidence and strength the secret gives to that person, especially when someone else wants to know it.
Be that person. Your secret is whatever you want it to be. The world will wonder.