I get it!

As you inch further along in age, more and more of your friends get happily married. It’s easy to get impatient, desperate, or cynical.

It’s easy to let the desire for a spouse and children dominate your prayers.

But what else can you DO?

Here’s seven ways to get ready for a husband that don’t just involve begging God for one (no shame).

1. Pray for your husband

What?! Didn’t you just say this list goes beyond prayers to meet your future spouse?

Yes.

But of course you’re still going to pray for him. Don’t just pray to meet him, however. Pray that wherever he is right now, God is taking care of him. The mysterious “future husband” will become less of an idea, and more of an actual, imperfect, flesh-and-blood person that God has on his own path in life. He could probably use your prayers. So start being his teammate right now.

2. Follow God’s Calls in Your Life

We might be tempted to make vague plans and then dither—I could buy my own house, but what if I get married soon and we move? I could relocate for this awesome job, but what if the man I’m supposed to marry isn’t there? I could get bangs, but what if I end up meeting my future husband and he hates bangs?

The more we follow what God is asking of us as single women, the better our sense of ourselves as individuals becomes, and the more likely we are to attract men we’re truly compatible with. Think about it; let’s say you grew up in the northeast but you’ve always liked the idea of living in the Pacific Northwest. Go for it—you’ll have an adventure and then maybe meet a man who loves the mountains and rainforests as much as you do!

3. Don’t Panic-Discern Religious Life

It’s possible to assume you’re called to marriage, yet one day begin to desire to explore a religious vocation. This is good and healthy. It’s important to truly discern your vocation, since it is part of your path to sainthood.

Religious vocations are extraordinary callings— a call to begin your Heaven united to Christ here on earth.

However, sometimes we panic instead of discern. Just because you’re not married or engaged by the age you anticipated, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re supposed to be a nun. It doesn’t mean you are being wildly selfish.

Give vocations their due and don’t freak out. God wants to take care of your heart. Let Him be in control– not you.

4. Don’t Force a Relationship

We’ve probably all been there…you go on a few dates with a nice Catholic guy, but you aren’t feeling it. Maybe there’s no attraction developing, your value system doesn’t coincide, or your personalities clash. Essentially, deep down you know this isn’t “it.” But then you imagine your friends and family scrutinizing you and wondering “what are you waiting for?! He’s nice and he’s Catholic, what else do you want?”

You start to rationalize. “Do I really need to find him handsome? Do I need to be excited to see him? Do I care for him?”

When in doubt, ask Christ to reveal to you if you have any fears holding you back from being with Mr. Right.

BUT if you’re praying and being honest with yourself and you just aren’t into him… listen to your gut. Marriage is for life, and even if he’s perfect and he’s mad about you, he deserves a woman who will delight in him. Dragging someone along just to have a relationship is not loving and no foundation for marriage.

And you know what? You deserve to marry someone you love too.

5. Make an Act of Hope

Not just in prayer, but in your actions. Show God that you trust He’ll bring you a spouse in His time. It could be something big, like starting a savings account to use for a future wedding or home, something romantic, like creating a hope chest, or something simple, like buying a book about marriage to present to your future husband once you’re engaged. Even if that day never comes, you’ve made solid investments and cultivated your mind and heart.

And since that day probably will come, you can show your husband how happily you prepared for him.

6. Meditate on Heaven

We should do this anyway, for so many reasons—first and foremost because, in my experience, this sort of meditation seriously orders my priorities. It begs the question, “what is this in light of eternity?”

In marriage, we still must strive to maintain a holy detachment. Married couples are united as one, but they’re still individuals, with their own relationships with Our Heavenly Father. Meditating on the eternity can help ground you once you’re married, remembering that even this sacrament your road to Heaven. And if that earthly wedding day has yet to come, pondering our endless wedding day in union with Christ puts that into perspective.

7. Breathe.

Love the people in front of you (including yourself). St. Francis de Sales tells us that we learn to love by loving, and it’s true that living charitably now will help you be a more virtuous wife later.

But it’s not just about that. It can be easy to think that we’re still single because there’s something wrong with us, that we’re not ready, that if we frantically conquer our faults God will reward us with a vocation.

But it’s not the case.

We’re absolutely in God’s hands, on His time. The more we can open ourselves to His love now, the better off we’ll be, no matter what our state in life is.

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The Freedom of Limitations

by Ann Burns | Apr 19, 2023

We seem to view limitations as something oppressive and rigid, maybe even antediluvian. But we are finite creatures, and thus cannot escape that our lives are governed by limits.

God is God, and I am not.